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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between. But things went downhill when someone cheated, and they opened their relationship. Today on Love Life, they discuss their break-up and its effect on their friendship. Seyi: We met on Twitter.
Osas: God, I was so sappy. But that line was smooth. Literally my best work. And you can tell that it worked because a month later, she came to Benin to see me. I was so anxious that day. Even though we spoke frequently, I kept wondering how she could decide to leave Ibadan and come to Benin just to meet me.
Seyi: I was a bit nervous. And then I saw her coming towards me and the tension eased.
Osas: I realised I had fallen in love. If I was smitten during our chats, when I saw her, I was completely gone. She looked absolutely perfect. Her smile was to die for, and her locs too.
She is shorter than me, so when we hugged, she was completely enveloped in my arms. I looked at her and felt safe. She followed me to school, and I introduced her as my girlfriend to all my friends. In my head, I had found home. Seyi: We booked a hotel room. Immediately we got into the room, she kissed me. Before then, I had never kissed a woman. It was my first queer relationship. She kissed me again in the dark stairway, and that kiss might be one of my favourite memories of her.
We got dinner, and of course, the sex happened. Osas: Lots of it. That was my first time having sex with a woman, and when I tell you I was wrecked. Listen, women will wreck you. I took a lot of pictures with her camera and laughter came easily.6 Sex And Dating Myths That Aren’t True
I was enamoured by her. Osas: I think every phase was our honeymoon phase. She was so good to me. She was never not good to me. At every minute of our relationship, I was deeply in love with her and unable to take my hands off of her. Seyi: I think our honeymoon phase started before we started dating. We used to spend hours on the phone talking every night about the most random things. But she came into my life and everything changed. Osas: It was just for the weekend. She left on Sunday and I cried so much. Did I mention that nobody asked anybody out in this relationship?
Seyi: More or less. At first, we were waiting to meet physically so we could define our relationship. Osas: Before Seyi came to Benin, I went to the movies with my friends and when we were talking, I told them about the girl I liked, and I kept calling her my girlfriend. When I got home that night, I told her. Osas: LMAO. The first time I told her I loved her, she froze. This was before we met physically, and were simply speaking over the phone.
To save myself from embarrassment, I quickly added that I meant it as a friend, because I considered her to be my G. She eventually said it when she came to see me in Benin. She wrote a whole poem. I was opening up more.
I prefer to show my friends I love them rather than tell them. Osas: I have always been a lover. I am still one. I tell my friends I love them all the time. Seyi: It was still largely a long-distance relationship, but it went well. Osas: Long distance was hard, but we tried to make up for it by speaking constantly and giving each other gifts. Seyi gave the best gifts. Random stuff, tailored stuff. But as I slept with more people, I learned new tricks and started getting better. Osas: At some point, the relationship became an open one. This was a month and a few weeks after we started dating.
Seyi: Before we even started dating, we already discussed the potential of an Real sex dating in ibadan relationship. She was polyamorous, but I loved the idea of monogamy. It seemed like a deal-breaker at the time, but she eventually agreed to a closed relationship.
I was really pissed at first, and I asked her to give me some space.
It was more like the shock of it and the hurt that she broke the defined rules of our relationship at the time. Osas: The kiss meant nothing to me. It was just kissing. I loved her too much, but I loved being able to be with other people.
And being monogamous was driving me insane. Osas: It was calm from my end.
It was Ms Monogamy here that was fucking half of Ibadan. Seyi: It was okay. The key was honesty and communication.
I told her about all the people I had things with and she did the same. Considering that it was my first queer relationship, it was nice to have the opportunity to explore a bit more. That was the start of my learning curve. Not because of her or the circumstances though. I was making friends and trying to pass classes. She was doing her own thing, and I was doing my own thing.
I loved when she told me about it.
Osas: Please ask her. What me I know is that she became off.I Was Sexually Harassed - Lizzy Jay (Omo Ibadan)
This was in the tenth month of our relationship. She said it was the distance, but it was weird. We were talking less and it seemed like she was avoiding me. After the Christmas holidays in December, we went back to our schools. She was busy all the time and hardly had time for me. I was crushed. I felt like I did something, like I was the problem. Seyi: We both met people. I met someone whom I had sex with a couple of times. And we texted consistently. Osas also met someone she was speaking with a lot.
My memory is shit, but I have vague memories of her always speaking with that person and telling him random things about the day before telling me. Seyi: I think it was just a case of growing apart. We realised something was off at some point, and I remember us agreeing to work on it. I cried as I broke the news to her. Osas: I kept telling her it would be fine.
But when the gravity hit me, my heart broke into a million pieces. I thought my life had shattered, and I was going to die. I wanted to be her friend at least, but what I really wanted was to stay in her life. I never got the concept of falling out of love with someone.
I thought it could be fixed. Osas: I would wake up at 7 a. All my friends were so worried. I think we behave differently in friendships. Osas: Okay then, you were a shitty friend to me. And can I be honest? I remember on my birthday when you blocked me because I prioritised my girlfriend over you. You called me the night before my birthday and when it was getting close to 12 a. That made no sense to me. There was also the time you called me when you were having an anxiety attack and after you calmed down and we were just talking, my girlfriend called and I said I had to go, and you got pissed about that too.
I was wary about things like these in the first place. I still wanted to be friends with you, but I felt like we first needed some time apart. It got worse when you told me thinking about me made you want to kill yourself sometimes, and then you were still saying you wanted to be friends with me. How could I be best friends with someone who wanted to hurt herself because of me?
Osas: I got the fact that we needed time apart. But I think you went about it the wrong way. If you had acknowledged the friendship, things would have been a lot different. Because you dismissed the friendship, it felt to me like our relationship itself meant nothing to you. I used to think you were my friend before you were my girlfriend, then when we broke up you said we were never friends.
That hurt a lot. I guess everything hurt in general but I never considered you the bad guy because you were good to me. We were in the talking stage, and I always considered you as someone I was going to get into a relationship with and treated you as such. I do that with love interests. Osas: Like I said, it was good. It just became weird.Real sex dating in ibadan
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